Terrible Toddlers

Terrible Twos? Try more like the terrible toddlers.
I'm not sure when it happened but one day my sweet little infant became a toddler. I couldn't wait for the day she started to talk and walk. Now those days are here and I find myself wondering why I was in such a hurry to teach her to do these things. Yes, it is developmentally age appropriate, but I miss the days of snuggling my immobile baby. Those days were so much easier. I could set her in her swing and do housework or put her on a blanket on floor and let her play while I worked on my computer. Now that she has become an adventurous toddler I can't leave her alone in a room for 5 seconds without her getting into something. She loves taking the trash out of the bag, throwing her toys all over the house, sneaking into the cupboards and taking out the pots and pans, etc. Yes, I have baby proofed my house. I am aware that there are many new gadgets out there to help keep your toddler in line, but anyone who has a toddler knows those are just for show. If a toddler wants a toddler gets.
When my sweet little angel has a temper tantrum people say "oh she must be two". Nope, she is definitely one. In fact, she is only 15 months old. So what I don't understand is why people call them the terrible twos. My toddler has develop a terrible 'tude at one. She has learned to scream so loud my ears ring and to through herself on the floor kicking and screaming. I'm not sure where she learned this behavior. I am starting to think it is a natural instinct small children have and they use this to drive their parents bananas. I am confident that anyone with a toddler can agree there is no such thing as the terrible twos, but all children go through the terrible toddlers.

Busy, Busy Mommy

I realized today that I have been neglecting my blog. I don't mean to do it, but things have been so busy with work lately I can hardly find time to shower. My days consist of work and being a mom and it is hard to find time for myself or the things I enjoy in-between. The good news is I realize that my schedule will let up a little once my students arrive back on campus, but in the meantime I am trying to keep it together. I find myself working late into the evening at home and then correcting my work the next day. It's a little challenging to type an email or get work done with a screaming toddler standing next to you begging for your attention. I do my best. But in just a few days I will be back blogging about my adventures in mommyhood.

Funny Onesies

10 Things NOT to say to a pregnant woman:

1. Are you having twins? If a woman is having twins she will tell you. NEVER assume a woman is carrying twins. How would you feel is someone asked you if you were fat? Because really... what you are saying to this woman is that she has gained so much weight there is no way there is only one baby in there. It's just rude.

2. You must be carrying a really big baby. Please refer to number 1 because you are sending the same message across with this comment.

3. Your feet look huge. Oh really do they? Because at 9 months pregnant no one can see their feet. In fact, at this point in a pregnancy it has been a good 3 months since an expecting woman has seen her feet. Don't make her feel self conscious about them.

4. You have to breastfeed. No one has to do anything. If a woman wants to make her ta-tas milk jugs that is for her to decide.

5. You should try not to eat to much when your pregnant, you will regret it later. Humm...you should try to keep your mouth shut. Never get between a pregnant woman and her food. If she is hungry let her eat. When you are busy making a baby in your belly you can eat as much as you want. Plus she is not going to have time to remember how much she ate when she has a screaming newborn to take care of.

6. Are you nervous about labor and delivery? Are you an idiot? Of course a first time expecting mom is nervous about pushing a human life out of an area where the sun don't shine. Don't ask stupid questions.

7. You haven't had the baby yet? If you seen a pregnant woman and she is not carrying a newborn with her, do not ask this question. A pregnant woman approaching her due date does not need a reminder that she is still pregnant. She know that she is pregnant, she gets a reminder every morning when she is 9 months pregnant and tries to get out of bed and gets
stuck.

8. Are you excited? No she is horribly disappointed. What kind of a question is that?

9. Can I rub your belly? Can she smack your face? Why would you ask a complete stranger or someone you know casually if you can rub her belly? It is not normally to go around rubbing people. In fact, I think that is why we have sexual harassment laws.

10. How much weight have you gained? How much weight have YOU gained??? Did you appreciate that question?

Mom seeking Mom

Mom seeking Mom: Mother of one looking for a mom who has at least one child under the age of two to schedule play dates with. This mom must be extremely busy and live a hectic lifestyle. She must be willing to wear sweatpants and minimal makeup to play dates. She must not spend more than 15 minutes getting herself ready.
This mom must also have the ability to contain unsolicited advice. She cannot judge me for feeding my toddler chicken nuggets from McDonald's, forgetting to bring an extra diaper to the park, choosing to work full time, putting my daughter in daycare, my disheveled appearance, or for the many mistakes I WILL make with my child.
The perfect mom friend will be one who listens to me vent, says that she understands, and tells me my daughter will be OK.
If you cannot meet this criteria please do not respond.

Battle of the Binky

So it is time I admit to myself that my daughter has a problem. She is an addict and her binky is her vice.

When I was pregnant people would always ask me if I was going to give her a pacifier, and I always responded with "no, I do not want to have to deal with breaking the habit". I remembered my nephews withdrawal. The crying, the shakes, the mood swings. It was all just to much to watch. So I decided that I would not allow my precious little one to suffer from binky withdrawals.

Just a few hours after she came into the world my little bundle of joy would not stop crying. Oh was she fussy. She refused to sleep at night and needed constant comforting. And that's when it happened, the nurse recommended we try the binky. They actually supplied them in the vending machine down the hall in the maternity ward. A vending machine for binkys, we thought they must really work wonders. And as new parents we were desperate to make the crying stop.

So my husband made the trip to the vending machine and purchased my daughters first package of binkies and the addiction began.

My daughter has been on the binky for 15 months now. Her pediatrician, day care provider, my mother have all informed me that we must break her of this habit. I swear we are trying to get her to stop, but she is a strong willed little tyke. The first time I tried to take her off the binky was a disaster. It was bedtime and I thought I could get her to sleep without it. She screamed for nearly an hour with no stop in sight. I tried to out will her in the fight, but she was having none of it. I finally broke down and put her binky in her month and within minutes she was sound asleep

Then I tried to withhold the binky from her when we were in the car. I figured she could survive a short car trip without it. I was wrong. She screamed as loud as she could. After 15 minutes I gave in.

So I continue the battle of the binky but so far it is Toddler 2, Mommy 0. I will continue to try and break her of this nasty habit, but I feel there is no end in site. I am especially worried because she will be going into the big girl room at daycare next week. The room is filled with toddlers from 15-24 months and none of them use their binkies anymore. It's not that I fear she will be the only one in the room who is using a binky, I am more afraid that she will cause the other toddlers to relapse. I can just see it now....... Claire walks into the room with her binky in, the other toddlers eye it and start getting the shakes, then during snack time she lets them take a hit of her binky for half of their snack.

Eventually I will help her break her habit, but until then the battle rages on.

Mommy Has A Dirty Little Secret

There is a lot of pressure in the world of moms to be a "supermom". Magazines and parenting books have led moms to believe that good parents feed their children organic food, send them to private preschools, make sure they don't watch TV, volunteer at every school function, and a long list of other unrealistic expectations. The pressure to meet these expectations is intense in the world of competitive motherhood.

But the reality is most great moms don't meet all of these expectations. In fact, the majority of moms I know do not meet any of the expectations listed above.

Every mom has a little thing they let their child/children do to make their lives easier. I call these things dirty little secrets, because moms are to afraid to admit that they do them. I recently polled a group of moms to find out their dirty little secrets.

Moms Dirty Little Secret
"I tell my kids that if they don't stop I will take them back to Walmart where I got them"
"I tell my son that if he goes outside without an adult a burgler will get him"
"Sometimes I let my daughter stay home from school for no reason"
"I let my daughter take a bath in the spa tub so I can get her out of my hair so I can clean up or get things done"
"I let my daughter watch TV just because I want to watch it"
"I give my daughter snacks in the car so she will be quiet"
"I tell my son that if he doesn't stay in buckled in his car seat the policeman will come and take him away"
"I let my two year old eat cookies and jello for breakfast"
"I let my daughter draw all over the garage with chalk and then I clean it up before my husband gets home"
"I fake sleep in the morning so mu husband will wake up with my daughter and I can sleep in"
"I use the Disney channel as a babysitter"
"When my son wants to go to Chuck E Cheese I tell him it is closed"
"I bribe my toddler with suckers"
"I tell my son that if he climbs under the table spiders will get him"
"I tell my daughter her eyes turn grey when she is lying"

This is just a small sample of the little things moms do to keep their sanity. What is my dirty little secret? Well, my daughter is afraid of the vacuum so I put it in front of her bedroom door so she will stay in her room while I mop the kitchen floor. I don't do this because I am a mean mom, I do it because I want my daughter to crawl on a clean floor and I don't want her to run out of her room and surf across the kitchen.

I think it is important for moms to own up to their dirty little secrets. The pressure on moms is intense and we all owe it to ourselves and our fellow moms to admit that we can't always be "supermom". Great moms have dirty little secrets.